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The Fixer

An old post being re-publishing in memory of Rodney Schulze (1961-1921); the fixer. We lost Rodney last year to Covid and hardly a day goes by that we don't think of him and wish he were still around.

From the contents of this one ton, crew cab truck we can fix almost anything in the oilfield you can possibly imagine.

We can chop saw it, chain saw it, grind it, thread it, heat it up, shake it out, cut it, weld it, clean it, gauge it, measure it, mike it, calibrate it, grease it, oil it, Teflon it, dig it up, bury it, unbolt it, bolt it back up, paint it or tear it apart to have a look-see. There are seals, O-rings, screws, fuses, nails, rolls of duct tape, electrical tape, bailing wire and every size nut and bolt known to mankind in this truck; if we don't have a gasket, we'll make one. We've got bolt cutters in here that will get us in anywhere, if need be, and if we can't break it lose with 36's there is a big-by-God hammer in that pile of stuff to whup on it. Tucked away in that vast array of disciplined storage is gooky that will loosen stuff up like green grass going thru a goose or lock it up like two dogs fightin' in a parking lot.

Why go to the rope, dope and soap store and waste time? We got grease inserts, fittings, ball valves, gate valves, pressure gauges, T's, L's, long nipples and short ones, hammer unions, tapped and untapped bull plugs and connectors; we can fuse poly pipe and in a matter of seconds grab a can of bad ass stuff that will kill yellow jackets before they hit the ground. If it's too late, and you got stung, there is stuff in there to fix it, along with tubs of Advil, Gatorade, sodas, water cold enough to crack your teeth, suntan lotion, burn ointment and band-aids to get you into town to get stitched up before you bleed to death. We can fix 440 volt 3 phase electrical problems, pumping unit problems, bearing problems, triplex pump problems, compressor, flow meter and dump valve problems; if it moves, or stands still...we can fix it.

Pretty much the only thing in the oilfield we can't fix is... emotional problems.

In the cab of this truck there is stuff to sort out tubing tallies, shoot fluid levels, write well reports, add and subtract expense accounts, production reports and text folks we're going to be late coming home for supper. There are Halliburton red books, tally books, pistols for snakes and banditos, underwear rags and outdoor bathroom products under every seat. Somewhere in that mess is Dawn dishwasher soap for cleaning grubby hands and clean shirts available for going to lunch at the Dairy Queen, if there's time.

This damn truck is so big, so heavy and so full of crap it gets gets about 4 MPG, which is only appropriate being IN the oil business; it's our "fiduciary" responsibility to prop up world crude oil demand as much as possible.

Finally, it takes me almost 10 BOPD just to pay the "Fixer" that drives this truck... and it's worth every damn barrel.

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